Monday, May 17, 2010

A Word About Birth Mothers



Every now and then I hear parents refer negatively about their child's birth mother and it really grinds me. It ticks me off to hear people who have been blessed beyond measure by a little bundle of joy dismissively, condescendingly, or even cuttingly talk about his or her birth mother, this woman who brought that little sweet one into the world. Do they not think about what suffering she likely went through? The unbelievable loss and grief? The tremendous blessing and gift she gave them?

This time of year always makes me a little more emotional. Grateful. Reflective.

Ten years ago today, Pookie's birth mother went into labor more than three weeks early. She called and we hopped on a plane as fast as we could, hoping to be in the delivery room as planned.

Those hours of flying and then driving in the middle of the night to the hospital were filled with... excitement, anticipation, worry about Pookie and his birth mother, grief for her, joy for me. That bittersweetness was overwhelming.

Is overwhelming.

Pookie's birth mother.

She knew about him first. Loved him first. Chose LIFE for him. Chose us as his Forever Family. Chose me to be his mama. She felt him move inside her belly. Watched him on the ultrasound. Knew he was a "he" first. And, she welcomed him into the world.

I didn't. Our plane got delayed and I missed the birth of my sweet boy.

Looking back, I'm so glad for her that that moment was hers and hers alone.

She got to hold Pookie first. Kiss his sweet face, his tummy, his little toes. She had those moments with our boy to herself.


To say, "I love you. I always will."


To say, "Goodbye, my love."


When we arrived at the hospital and tip-toed in to their room, she greeted us with kisses and tears and said, "Come, meet your son."

I am so grateful.

13 comments:

  1. Crying and loving your generous spirit

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  2. LOVE this post. Something that's on my heart so very often. What a journey, huh?, my friend!!! I never got to meet little N's birthmom. That makes me sad. But I think of her often and pray for her and am filled to overflowing with gratitude for her that she chose to give this precious child LIFE. We did meet M's birthmom in Ethiopia. That moment is engraved in my heart and spirit.

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  3. I know what you mean! Our sweet baby P's birthmother spent all day with him before even calling our social worker. She had him for a day and a 1/2 all to herself. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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  4. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

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  5. such a gift. I thank God for the Bean's first mother. I am so grateful for him and couldn't imagine life without him.

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  6. We pray for Kidus' birth mom often. I am always saddened when she slips from my mind which happens from time to time given our crazy lives. But she is and always will be a part of our family. We are so grateful that she loved him enough to give him life and make the journey to Addis to approve him coming to our family. Thank you for your post.

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  7. Oh my, I'm a mess and in great need of a tissue.

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  8. Beautiful words, Laurz.....you are anointed to describe true love from God's perspective, and not extolling the experiences that could taint the true Love.....sob..XO Sandra

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  9. You have no idea who I am, but I have been very close to the birth mom for 6 years. She is just as beautiful now as she was when you last saw her. No, MORE beautiful, in fact. God Bless you for making her feel as special as she truly is.

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  10. Oh my, this was very emotional for Me, Pookie's Nana... especially that last comment. What a blessing that birth mother has been to our entire family - probably more than, by God's dear grace, she'll ever know until we all get together in Heaven and have a good healing joyous cry-fest over it all! God is good! Thanks for the godly perspective, Laurz. And I thank Jesus for your outspread arms.

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  11. Yowza baby. Powerful post. "Come meet your son." Tears. Smiles. Laughter.

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  12. We are just starting this journey into adoption and I so needed to read this post. My emotions have run the gammet because we haven't gotten to the stage of actually meeting our child's birth mother. We are awaiting home study and I cannot imagine what I will feel when I watch another woman hand her baby to me.

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